remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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