I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Drake has all the answers
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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