Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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