i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
