When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
