It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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