my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
