dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
How external is "for external use only"?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
