Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
