We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
