He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
