The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
