there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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