Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
