4 words: hood of his car
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
