can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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