At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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