My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
