So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
