I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
