i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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