It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
