i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
as a side note pls kill me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
