I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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