I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
