You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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