I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
