He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
