Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
