he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
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But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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