You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
