Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
