Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
