Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
