I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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