I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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