You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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