he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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