Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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