He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
