So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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