giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
