mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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