so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
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We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
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You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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