I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
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I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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