see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
