no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Lo siento on account of my penis...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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