weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Sober January is a disaster.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
