i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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