Well apparently he's into motor boating.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
