in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
