OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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