Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
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You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
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Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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