We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
