omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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