He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
