I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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