How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
