dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We got so high we made milksteak
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize