I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
