Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
