i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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