We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
