I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
