hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
