I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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