just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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