I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
