Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize