So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
