Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
